I've never heard the words "I'm proud of you." from anyone in my family. It's always, "Why couldn't you have done this?" or "Candi, really? You're such a failure."

Four words. Four words is all it is. I'm proud of you. It pains me to know that I've never done anything to make my family proud. But I have.

I didn't commit suicide in 8th grade, when I felt like I had nothing, no one to go to. When my sister treated me like crap, when home life wasn't the best, when school life wasn't the best. Why didn't that make them proud? Why didn't I hear those words come out of their mouths when I decided to keep living?

I was strong when my family fell apart. When I was 15 and my parents got a divorce, I stood strong. Didn't that make them proud?

When I graduated high school. After 4 long years of struggling, I graduated high school. I worked so hard to make them proud, and what do I get in return? Nothing. Not 4 words that every child wants to hear on that day.

When I decided to leave everything I knew to come to Colorado with my mom. Not once did I hear "I'm proud of you. That was a grown up decision."

I hate that I've never heard it. I hate that I have to go to my friends to hear those words, because my parents just don't seem to care.

I love my Abba Father. I love HIM with all my heart. And shouldn't knowing that HE'S proud of me be all that matters? It SHOULD be, but it's not. It's not all I need, because I feel like my family should show me they love me instead of treating me like an animal.

I would do anything to hear my family say to me that they're proud.

 Wow. It's definitely been a while since I've written a blog. haha I write a lot of notes on Facebook, but they're mostly rants, raves, or surveys.

It's July....and the summer is almost over. I haven't worked in a while since I quit my job at Little Ceasar's. A lot of people are disappointed, but I feel I made the right decision. I mean, I wasn't working anyway when I was working there, I didn't get paid that much, and when I did work, it was on cashier and I would be the only one on a busy night. I actually, really hated it.

My brother is a high school graduate, and next year, he'll be going to Mesa State. Which will be so completely weird for me going to the same school as him, we haven't done that since I was in 5th grade!

I'm really excited for hopefully being a full time student at Mesa State in the Spring of 2010, hopefully as a Music Theater major! Or not a major yet and waiting till the fall of 2010 to be an actual major. I really hope it works out.

Well let's see, some short term events I'm really excited about......School starts back up in a few weeks and I'm excited for that, I won't be a full time student, but choirs are really fun, and I love being able to see all my friends. One of my friends, Carrie, will be coming to MSC in the fall and she is so fun!

I'm probably going to start helping out with Canyonview Vineyard Church's youth group soon so I can maybe lead worship for them. I would be so happy to be working with youth again. I mean I LOVE doing AWANAs and stuff like that, but, who am I to NOT work with multiple youth groups? haha

Well....I guess that's all for now....

So I got my computer back yesterday, but I have to wait for the "recovery" discs to arrive in the mail...only 14 days left until we leave for California. I'm so excited to see my family!!! I miss my sisters so bad...but...yeah...anyways...my brother's been watching the LOTR movies, it's kinda weird, actually. I also started reading The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis, which is part of the Narnia series. I actually like it so far. I couldn't really get into the other books, except The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, of course. Anyways, I couldn't put this one down last night and almost fell asleep reading it! Anyways, today's going to be a busy day. I have Women's Choir, then after that, my brother's going to drive me around town to apply at all the places I have in my notebook. Hopefully we'll get everywhere. Well, that's all for now....